Do you worry about your eighty year old mother who is still living alone in the home where she raised you? How much is she bringing home with social security? Is it covering the grocery bill, taxes, insurance, and doctor’s visits?
Many people hate having to talk to their parents about money. For one thing, mom and dad are often very proud. They’ve been living within their means for decades now. And they don’t want you to worry.
But, as parents age, they may need more help than they need now. That means there will be more medical bills. And maybe more bills for lawn care, cleaning, and home modifications as mom or dad finds it increasingly difficult to handle all those tasks.
So, at some point, caregivers need to talk to their aging parents about money and how to pay for present and future needs. Here are some ideas for introducing this topic with sensitivity.
Schedule a Meeting
Caregiver Wantagh, NY: Seniors and Money
Scheduling a meeting gives the topic some weight. And it also shows your parent respect for his time and feelings. Scheduling a meeting to talk about “estate planning” or “future financial considerations” gives your parent some time to reflect on his or her wishes and prepares him or her for the topic.
Jumping into the topic casually is not a good idea. The words, “Hey, how much is your social security check?” while you’re having lunch together may put your parent on guard. And it may be uncomfortable for the adult child who doesn’t not want to seem greedy or intrusive.
Express Concerns For Yourself
No parent wants an adult child to lose sleep worrying about her. But you might be losing sleep and worrying. If so, it’s a good idea to begin the meeting expressing concern about your own feelings and worries.
This might seem selfish, but it’s a good way to indicate that you’re not hoping your parent will die. MarketWatch suggests that you mention that you have done some estate planning of your own. That way, you can say that your financial advisor wants to know how much money you will need to help your parents.
Don’t Press For Exact Details
It’s less important to know exactly how much money your mother has in the bank. It’s more important to know how she’s currently covering her expenses. You definitely need to know if your parent has a will, where the will is, who the estate executor is, and whether she is in debt or has outstanding bills that can’t be paid out of her available funds.
If you have had money troubles of your own, this talk can be difficult. Early in the meeting, you will want to tell your parent that you are not going to ask for money. Then tell her that you don’t need to know exact amounts of money, you just want to be sure there’s enough to cover her needs.
Ask about paying for future expenses. For example, you want to know, if the roof caves in, whether your father has the money to replace it. You should also talk about future health care costs and the cost of assistance, like home care. In general, a few hours a week of professional home care is quite a bit more affordable than going into assisted living or a nursing home.
And many of the elderly prefer to age in place. The best time to have a conversation about home care and nursing homes is before a parent needs a great deal of help.
In conclusion, the “money talk” is necessary, even if it’s not something you look forward to. Try to put your parent at ease by explaining your own concerns about his or her future. And be sure to indicate that your parent’s preferences are high in your list of priorities.
If you or an aging loved-one is considering a Caregiver in Wantagh, NY please contact the caring staff at Brookville Homecare today. 516-802-7722
Sources
https://www.marketwatch.com/story/how-to-have-the-money-talk-with-your-parents-without-seeming-greedy-2016-12-01
https://www.businessinsider.com/personal-finance/parents-estate-plan-how-to-talk-about